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I've been thinking a lot lately about connection.

Because when we really strip everything else away, isn't that ultimately what most of us are looking for?

We want it in our romantic relationships. We want it in our friendships. We want it with our families.

And yes, we want it in our businesses too.

We want to feel seen.

We want to feel heard.

We want to feel understood.

We want to feel like the person sitting across from us is actually with us.

And yet, I think we've somehow made connection much more complicated than it needs to be.  

So often, while we're desperately wanting someone else to see us, we're not actually seeing them.

We're thinking about what we're going to say next.

We're wondering whether they like us.

We're trying to impress them.

We're thinking about what we need from them.

We're trying to get the client, get the date, make the sale, tell our story, prove our point.

Meanwhile, there's another human being sitting right in front of us essentially asking the same question we are:

Do you see me?  

Why We Struggle to Connect

I think so much of this comes back to our own need to be validated.

When we walk into a conversation focused on, “Do they like me?” we're actually focused on ourselves.

When we're on a sales call thinking, “How do I close this person?” we're focused on ourselves.

When we're talking to a friend and waiting for them to finish so we can tell our own story, we're focused on ourselves.

We're looking for connection while simultaneously doing the very thing that prevents connection from happening.

Because real connection requires presence.

It requires curiosity.

It requires us to get out of our own heads long enough to actually experience the person in front of us.  

Curiosity Changes Everything

One of the simplest ways we can create deeper connection is to become genuinely curious about other people.

Not performatively curious.

Not asking a question because we learned some networking technique that says people like talking about themselves. 😂

Actually curious.

Who is this person?

What matters to them?

What lights them up?

What are they struggling with?

What do they believe?

What are they afraid of?

What are they trying to create?

And then...

Listen.

Not so you can formulate your response.

Listen because you actually want to understand.    

And Then There’s Business

This is where I think this gets fascinating.

Because we somehow decided business and sales operate by completely different rules.

They don't.

The person on the other side of your website is still a human being.

The person watching your Reel is a human being.

The person reading your email is a human being.

The person sitting across from you on a sales call is a human being.

And they want exactly what we all want.

They want to feel seen, felt and heard.

This is why I believe the best marketing starts with connection.

Your audience should be able to recognize themselves in your message.

They should think:

She's talking to me.

She understands what I'm going through.

This is exactly what I've been looking for.

And something really interesting happens when we create that kind of connection:

We don't have to push as hard.  

Sales Without the Ick

I love sales.

I've been selling for decades.

And I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with asking someone to make a decision.

Sometimes people need clarity.

Sometimes they need leadership.

Sometimes we need to simply ask:

“Would you like to do this?”

But there's a difference between inviting someone into a decision and trying to overpower their resistance.

If I'm more interested in closing you than understanding you, we've lost connection.

If you're telling me something doesn't feel right and I'm immediately trying to overcome your objection, I'm no longer listening.

I'm waiting for my opportunity to respond.

And haven't we all felt the difference?

We know when someone is genuinely trying to understand us.

And we know when someone is running a sales process on us.  

The Best Sales Advice I Can Give You

Connection and sales aren't opposites.

Connection makes us better at sales.

Because when we actually listen, we understand what someone needs.

Sometimes the answer is:

Yes, I can absolutely help you.

And sometimes the answer is:

I'm probably not the right person.

Both can be successful sales conversations.

Because success isn't convincing every person to buy.

It's creating enough clarity for both people to recognize whether there's alignment.  

That's a very different way of approaching sales.

Instead of walking into a conversation thinking:

How do I get this prospect to buy?

Ask:

What does this person actually need?  

That one shift takes the pressure off you—and the person sitting across from you.

You don't need to perform.

You don't need to manipulate.

You don't need to convince someone who isn't aligned.

You need to be present enough to understand what's actually happening.

Connection Creates Abundance

This is where spirituality and business come together for me.

I don't believe we have to choose between alignment and abundance.

I don't believe being spiritual means we're not supposed to care about money.

And I don't believe being good at sales means we have to manipulate people.

We can build incredibly successful businesses by becoming more human, not less.

More curious.

More present.

More empathetic.

More connected.

Because when people feel genuinely seen by us, trust begins to form.

And trust is the foundation of almost every meaningful relationship we have.  

Try This on Your Next Sales Call

The next time you're talking to a prospective client, notice what's happening inside you.

Instead of thinking:

What should I say next?

Ask:

What am I noticing?

Instead of:

How do I get this prospect to buy?

Ask:

What does this person actually need?

Instead of waiting for your opportunity to talk, ask yourself:

What haven't I understood yet?

Connection doesn't require some complicated sales strategy.

It requires presence.

It requires empathy.

It requires curiosity.

And sometimes it simply requires us to stop making everything about ourselves long enough to really see the person standing in front of us.  

At the end of the day, I think we're all walking around wanting essentially the same thing:

See me.
Hear me.
Feel me.
Understand me.

And maybe the most beautiful way to receive more of that in our own lives is to start giving more of it away.

See people.

Listen to them.

Become curious about them.

Let them matter.

Because whether we're building a business, falling in love, making a new friend, or simply talking to a stranger at a coffee shop...

Connection is the whole thing.

And maybe it always has been.  

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